Fan-effing-tastic

This is just great. Wonderful. Exactly what I need right now. I, oh wonderful readers of mine, have gotten a case of the shingles. REALLY?? Just, really? How awesome am I that I can get something that is most common in people over 50, the immunocompromised, the sick, or the stressed. Well, I am probably stressed by a lot of things, but I am always stressed out. That's nothing new. Point is, I should not be having this problem! But I am. Which is totally awesome. READ: NOT AWESOME. It sucks. Shingles is something anyone who has gotten the chicken pox can get, or if you're an adult and you get the chicken pox virus from a kid. When you get the chicken pox as a kid, the virus never goes away. It sits around in one of your nerve root ganglia, just waiting for an opportunity to emerge again, like some sort of nasty locust that only comes out every ten years. It makes this gross looking rash on the side of your chest (please don't go looking up pictures, they are SO gross!), and if I were older I would be in hella pain right now. The only good thing about this whole ordeal is that since I am young, it's not as painful for me. It's really only a nuisance, and feels like a mild/moderate sunburn.

It's just really disgusting to look at, as if I am not already grossed out by my body enough. At least it's not on my side that I look at in the mirror. I always turn to my right side to look at my stomach in the mirror, and never my left. Do any of you do this? Like, never do I look at my left. I always lift up my shirt, look at the front of my stomach, and then turn to the right to see the side. I don't know why, but the left view is never something I look at. Anyway, I can still check out my stomach in the mirror without dry heaving.

The other thing that sucks is that I have to be on acyclovir, which is an anti-viral, and prednisone, which is a steroid. The anti-viral, whatever, but the pred is not good! It can cause increased appetite and weight gain, fluid retention, and weird redistribution of fat on the body! Besides a whole slew of other side effects; it is a steroid after all. Luckily I only have to be on it for five days, so I don't think that is long enough to cause major things to happen, and I know that the weight gain it can cause is due to the increased appetite, but I am still really pissed and freaked that I could come out gaining weight from this stupid medication :( I am really going to be watching what I eat, and trying to restrice hard core, as much as I can. I DO NOT want to gain weight because of a medication. Ugh, this sucks!!!!

Thanks for your comments on my last post. They were really thoughtful and helpful :) I talked with my brother, and told him that I thought he looked too thin, and asked him what he thought. He told me he thought he was at a healthy weight, but when I asked him if he knew how much he weighed, he told me around 130 pounds. I freaked a little bit, because he is 5'9 1/2" and while not being underweight on a BMI chart, it's close, and is also still really too low for a guy and especially one with his build. I told him that is only 5 pounds more than I weigh and I am 3 1/2" shorter than he is. I think that helped him a little bit to see how thin he really is. I told him that I've seen him before without his shirt on, and that his waist is not supposed to go in all hourglass-style like a girl's, and that I shouldn't be seeing all his ribs. Then I told him that he really can't believe that a single poptart is enough to keep him going through the whole day until dinner. I also told him that a Poptart really is a glorified candy bar, and he said it's more about the convenience aspect of taking it and eating it on the way to class so he doesn't have to wake up earlier, which I can understand. I kind of modeled my talk with him after Supersize vs. Super Skinny, because Dr. Jessen usually puts things a good way to the skinnies, and helps them see that what they are doing isn't good for their health. Anyway, he said that I am right, and that he is too thin. I told him he doesn't need to gain a ton more weight, that 5-10 pounds would look great on him, and help him get a stronger, more manly appearance back. I told him that I know it's hard to figure out what to eat, especially when it comes to lunch since it's personally one of my least favorite meals, but to think about some lean chicken or fish, and that with the dining hall at his college, he can get a quick hot meal for lunch and dinner. He talked about still eating healthy, but just eating more, and I told him that's exactly what he needs to do. He seemed to take the conversation pretty well, after getting over the initial shock of even starting the conversation in the first place. And the morning after our talk, I was pleased to see him make himself a double serving of oatmeal for breakfast, which is about 320 calories, and has a lot more nutrients than a Poptart. I don't know if he had lunch that day, because I left to visit my cousin for a few days, and he had to head back to college before I got back home. I do hope my talk made a difference, but I am also not kidding myself that he could have just been lying through his teeth, because I have done and still do lie about my eating. I guess time will tell.

Oh, and for some reason my blood pressure was a little high today when I went to the hospital to get my rash looked at. It could have just been nerves or something, I don't know. When I was super skinny, I had nice low blood pressure, and my doctor would always comment on how great it was. Probably it was due to how thin I was, and not my actual cardiovascular health, but since it's all about the numbers to me, it scared me a little, and told me that I need to lose weight even more.

On a random note to leave you with: try to say "Irish wristwatch" out loud. And then if you can do that (or even if you can't) try saying it three times in a row. LOL

Love you, Skinnies

~Sottile