I am a Horrible Person

I am. I said I was going to blog every other day. Yeah, major fail. So I am not going to lie this time. I go back to school on Sunday, so I will begin posting regularly starting then. I hope you all haven't forgotten about me! I just find it so difficult to post when I am home, because I don't want to be writing when my family is home, for fear of them finding out about my blog. My mother has this penchant for coming up behind you to see what you are doing online. And during the day I am usually skiing. But as of Sunday, I will be back to my normal school life, so I will be able to post almost every day again.

I am also a jealous person, and I really wish I weren't. My brother accidentally broke his cell phone yesterday, and instead of making him use my old phone or making him pay for a new one, my dad is buying him a new phone. And I am jealous! Now I am looking at iPhones obsessively. I know it's stupid. At least I won't be home when he gets his phone to see it. But I always do this. If one of my friends gets something cool, I want it too. It's ridiculous, but I can't help it for some reason.

I know I said this in my last post, but I really, really, really wish we had a scale at my house. I HATE not knowing how much I weigh! I am working really hard to restrict these last few days, but I just don't know how much my weight has gone down. I feel like my stomach looks flatter, and when I tighten my abs and then kind of poke my stomach with my fingers, it doesn't jiggle much, so that means that my stomach is mostly muscle now. I remember the days when there was absolutely no jiggle, and I want that back so badly. I went shopping the other day with my cousin, and I bought a pair of size 0 Abercrombie jeans, and size 0 khaki pants from J.Crew. I didn't try on either pair of pants at the mall, because I hate trying on clothes at stores. If something doesn't fit, I feel horrible for the rest of the day, so I would rather try things on in the comfort of my own home, and then return them if they don't look good or fit correctly. So when I got home and tried them on, both pairs of pants fit perfectly. My stomach still needs work; I still feel too wide and I feel like I have some love handles, so I would not wear a tight shirt with the pants. But the pants look great with a sweater or sweatshirt. I still feel so large though. And with all the skiing, I have practically no fat on my thighs, just muscle. My thighs still touch though, so that still needs work. I just can't wait to know how much I weigh, so I know how much work I need to do to reach 105lbs. by the time I leave for London. I am so scared though. I mean, what if I step on the scale and I am still the same weight as when I left for winter break? I feel like it could be possible, and I am so nervous about it.

Well, I am going to do a little catching up on all your blogs, and then get ready for another day of skiing. I will return on Sunday!!

Love you, Skinnies!

~Sottile