I'll Have a Cube of Cheese

It sounds weird, but my maintained weight over winter break, as heartbreaking as it was Sunday evening, may have been the push I needed to get back in gear. For the past two days, I have been doing really well! A small breakfast, either oatmeal or yogurt with a little granola, and nothing for lunch. This evening I didn't have dinner either, because neither of my roomies were home at dinner time, but last night I had to eat something. I had mussels, which are super low cal for a lot of food surprisingly! I had probably around 20 mussels, amounting to 200 calories. And it looked like a ton of food on the plate, because the shells take up so much space.

We have started a new block of classes, and my friends and I all have somewhat different classes, so for four out of the five day school week, I will not have to eat lunch since I will not be around friends. On Thursdays, I don't even have class until noon, so if I want to, I can skip breakfast and lunch, and say I ate lunch quickly before I came to class if anyone asks :) What also helps, interestingly enough, is that K has joined a gym in the mall. Two days out of the week, we have three hour gaps between classes, and they just happen to occur around lunch. I go back to our apartment, and K hits up the gym, so she doesn't know I am not eating lunch. T doesn't come home during those times, either, so I am all alone. K will also be doing late afternoon workouts with friends who have joined the gym, so I will be able to get away with skipping dinners too. Today she had work until 6, and T had dinner elsewhere, which is why I was able to skip dinner. I considered joining the gym when I heard how many of my friends joined, but then I decided not to. I can use that money for something else; God knows I need all I can get! Also, if I were work out, I would do it obsessively, wanting to burn 1000 calories each time I went, etc., and I am sure my friends would think it weird. K only goes for about an hour each time, and I know I would want to be there much longer than that. Lastly, when I lost all that weight in undergrad, I didn't work out at all; it was all restriction, so I know it works.

I laugh at K's reasoning, though. She joined the gym to be "less of a fat pig" and to "get toned". So she does about an hour each time, and then comes home and eats a ton of crap, because she is "so hungry from working out". Well, if you want to lose weight, don't eat after getting home! Your body will burn your own fat instead! Is it not obvious? Apparently not, because tonight she had two stuffed to the brim tacos, some chips, some pretzels with dip, and since it is her birthday tomorrow and she made cupcakes last night for it, she frosted them and ate one just a while ago. Good luck on the whole toning goal. Sometimes I just want to sit her down and tell her how it is, and how her eating habits are not going to do anything for her plans to slim down, but it is too fun to watch the ways she makes excuses for eating the way she does. I do have to give her credit; if I ate the way she does, I would be doing it in secret and not in front of people. I would be too embarrassed.

So for K's birthday, we are going bowling tomorrow. I am so excited, not because I love bowling, but because we usually go out to eat when someone is having a birthday, so now I won't have to eat something! There has been talk of ordering a pizza, but I will make sure I eat something low cal before we go, and make sure K sees me eat, so I can refrain from eating the pizza. I am sure beer will be bought as well, but I despise beer, so no problems there.

I went grocery shopping with K on Monday, and I bought fruits and veggies, bottled water, coconut water (which is really good!), Gatorade to keep up my electrolytes, light soy milk, calcium-fortified orange juice, yogurt for my breakfasts, and some cheddar cheese, which is one of my very few favorite foods (I don't like the fact that I need to eat food, so why would I have favorites? Therefore, this is a very short list.) Cheddar cheese is however, NOT one of my binge foods. Big distinction there. I like it too much to want to shove it all down my throat without tasting it. I make it last, since I buy Cabot Vermont cheddar, the very best, and also very expensive. One small piece every so often is enough for me :) It's like a little treat, and whenever I have some, I always think of Emily Blunt in "The Devil Wears Prada" when she says "Well I don't eat anything. And when I feel as though I'm about to faint, I have a cube of cheese." Haha. So that was my healthy cart. K buys ten bottles of Diet Pepsi, mini chocolate chip muffins, gross processed Kraft American cheese slices (I am a cheese snob, too!), and a bag of fun-size Three Musketeers bars. This is on top of the grocery shopping she did two days previously with another one of our friends while I was still home. Why do you need MORE food? Our fridge and freezer are so stuffed with food it's disgusting. I hate a cluttered fridge. When I get my own house for just me, my fridge will have fluids, some fruit and vegetables, and a block of cheddar, and that is it. Simple, clean, and minimal. Perfection :) I will take a picture of the fridge tomorrow for you all to see what I have to deal with.

Well, I am very hungry, and I am going to go to bed. I love falling asleep to an empty stomach. I know being hungry keeps some people awake, but for me, it helps me fall asleep, because I have very little energy, and I just let my bed cocoon me as I drift off into a haze. It's delightful :)

Love you, Skinnies!

~Sottile