An Amalgamation of Thoughts.

So, a couple things. I got my boots in the mail yesterday! They are AMAZING and I am so glad you all told me to get them. They are totally worth the money, and they look so chic :) I will be able to wear these for years to come. They don't have a zipper, which I actually prefer, because you don't see a zipper line on the back or side, but it makes tucking jeans into them difficult. They bunch up at the knee and ankle, and it just looks bad. Thus, I ordered these things called Jean Grabbers, which are these little straps with clips on either end that you clip to your jeans and put them under your foot, effectively turning your jeans into stirrup pants. I haven't gotten those yet, so I can't wear the boots yet, but I am already planning my outfit for my unveiling of the boots! We just got a good amount of snow anyway, so I couldn't have worn them today even if I had been able to.

I have been at 126.5lbs. for the past two and a half days now, and I am getting sick of it. I want to see the scale move!!

On top of that, I had a mini-binge today. My first binge in a good while. I would say the first one in a few months. I absolutely hate binging. It makes me feel so dirty and out-of-control. And I relish the feeling of being in control. The binge totaled to about 600 cals., but I had only had 195 cals. before that. Still under 1000 cals. When I finally got a hold of myself after Raisinets and foccacia sticks, I took a quick walk outside in the 30 degree weather to get a grip and get my head back and focused, and then drank some water. This happened at 1:30pm today. I decided that I wouldn't eat anything else today. I had a midterm today in Toxicology, which I think I did horribly on, but that is the beauty of taking that class pass/fail. I know I passed it, probably by the slimmest of margins, but that is to be expected since I only started studying last night. Then I came home and took a shower, because I needed to feel clean after binging, even though I had taken a shower this morning. I still felt dirty after binging. If I make myself clean, I don't want to dirty myself by eating. I weighed myself before showering, and I was 128lbs. Ugh. I didn't eat the rest of the day; I didn't even drink anything. I just weighed myself, and I am 127lbs.! Thank goodness. At least the binge didn't ruin anything.

I am overhauling my motivation tomorrow. Today, I hardly even cared about my Toxo midterm. I scribbled some answers, circled some multi-choice questions, handed in my test, and left. I need to actually care. I need to actually study, and I need to do a lot of it. I haven't been studying much, mid-terms are now cropping up, and I am not prepared. I have another one for Clinical Pathology this Tuesday, so that is going to be my weekend.

There is a "Chocolate Happy Hour" tomorrow at school from 5-8pm, where there will be chocolate desserts as far as the eye can see. SO NOT GOING. There is also a party tomorrow night at the veterinary fraternity to commemorate their new bar in the basement. SO NOT GOING. There is also a Charity Masquerade Ball on Saturday night. SO NOT GOING. Are we sensing a theme? All these events will involve food and/or alcohol, two things I do not need right now. I will be content to be antisocial with my text books and notes and TV and Olympics and NetFlix movies and cat.

I am deliciously hungry and have such little energy, it is a chore to make my fingers move across the keyboard. Time for bed.

Love you, Skinnies!

~Sottile