It Was Sunny Today

And today I hardly ate. I had breakfast at 9:30, consisting of an english muffin with organic raspberry preserves, a small glass of orange juice, and coffee, all amounting to 280 cals. I then did not eat anything until 3:30 this afternoon, which was 10 sour patch kids, equaling 74 calories. Then I took a shower at 4, did some homework, and had to go pick up a girl,who is visiting the vet school this weekend for Prospective Student weekend, from the airport, because my friend who is hosting her got her car stuck in a ditch by her house as she was leaving to go to the airport to pick her up. So I brought this girl back to my friend's house, where I had six saltine crackers, for 60 calories, which I immediately felt bad about, but tried to tell myself that I actually do need to eat sometimes, and then had two small chocolate chip cookies that my friend had just made. I would estimate those at 100 calories each. Again, quite upset with myself after eating them. Again, tried to tell the logical portion of my brain that I do need to eat sometimes. All together 614 cals.

The weirdest thing was, that I was not consciously trying not to eat. I was not hungry all day. The only time I was hungry was when I woke up at 7:30 this morning. I was beginning to feel a little hungry this evening when I got to my friend's house, but not the overwhelming hunger that I would have expected having not really eaten anything of substance since morning. I am not sure whether to be excited that I was not hungry all day, since it makes it so much easier not to eat, but the feeling of hunger makes me feel like I am doing well and I am making progress, so without the hunger there, I am worried that my body is not burning up calories. Which, I know is not true. I know my science; I know that to just remain standing, my body is using calories to make my heart beat and my lungs breathe, to make my neurons fire and my pupils constrict and dilate; to make my kidneys and liver filter my blood and keep my bone marrow producing new red and white blood cells. I know that I am constantly using calories to just "be". But I need that hunger to be my constant reminder and my reinforcement for what I am doing. So I don't know what to think of this today. We will see what happens tomorrow, as to whether I am hungry or not.

In other news, at Walmart today, I bought a six-pack of V-8 juice, with tiny cans that are 30 calories but a whole serving of vegetables, and the hugest bag of sour patch kids I have ever seen in my life, weighing 1.9lbs, or 861g for all those non-U.S. readers out there. Such a contradiction; I could just picture myself walking through Walmart. Sometimes I wonder if people look at me and think "That girl is about to eat all that and then puke it up right after". Do any of you ever wonder that either? I haven't ever made myself vomit, not that I haven't tried, but I can't do it. So the sour patch kids aren't to binge on; I have a couple each day. I had planned that I would buy them. However, I was planning on buying a much smaller bag, but I have this problem with buying things in huge quantities, if huge quantities are available. For example, I need the HUGE box of Cheerios or Corn Flakes or Cheez-its, not because I plan to eat that much before they go stale, but because the idea of having such a massive amount of food in one package is intoxicating to me for some reason. I don't know. So I go to pay, and the woman at the register is this huge, fat blob who has horrible hair. I was just itching to know what she thought of my purchases. I thought it would be slightly insane of me to ask, however, so I refrained.

I am puppy sitting this weekend for a friend :)

Love you, Skinnies!

~Sottile