I Dreamt A Lot of Things

Last night, I had a dream that I told my little brother that I was restricting. I had this little notebook in which I wrote down everything I ate for the day, and I showed it to him. Funny thing, I don't actually have a notebook like that, but whatever. I just remember how sad he looked, and how he hugged me so tight. I whispered in his ear, "Don't tell Mom. Please don't tell Mom." He nodded, even though it looked like it pained him so much. After it was over, I woke up. It was around 2am, and I was freaking out because I thought I had really told him. Then I realized it was only a dream, and I felt immensely better. As much as I know my mom would hate that I am losing weight, I really don't care.

I also had another dream last night that I drank a whole can of Coca Cola. It tasted so real and cold and delicious in my dream. I woke up from that one thinking I had actually committed that sin as well, and then once again, realized it was just a dream :) Dreams like this let me know that I am really back. My body does in dreams what it craves to do in life, but that I won't allow.

Today I had about 665 cals. I had breakfast, lunch, and no dinner. None, whatsoever. Today actually went a lot better than I thought it would. A new class I am taking began today, and it goes from 3pm-5pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I thought it was going to be awful sitting through it, that I would be so hungry and weak, and then I would come home and have to eat dinner, even though I would have already eaten lunch because I would have been at school all day. Well, I have discovered for next class that I don't actually need to eat lunch, because most of my friends are finished at noon or 1pm, and just go home. Therefore, if can I hurry up leaving my 1pm lecture, I can go to one of the private study rooms, pull out my books and notes, and start studying. No one will bother me, and no one will be any the wiser in realizing I am not eating lunch. Today I ate because I went to the student lounge instead of a study room, but next class I will definitely be trying out my new tactic. Then, in class, we had a break at 4pm, and I pulled out some mini rice cakes, ate four for 35 cals, and it was more than enough to tide me over until the end of class. One of my friends was running for the bus, so I offered her a ride home, so I ended up not getting home until 5:45pm. Then I busied myself with tidying my room, putting away my coat, coffee mug, and various Tupperware food containers, checking email, and other minutiae, and killed another 45 minutes. K was in her room the entire time, so I don't think she even noticed that I didn't eat. The whole day has been rather genius. I hope the rest of my Tuesdays and Thursdays go as equally excellent as today has gone.

I just weighed myself before sitting down to write, and I am 125.5lbs., up from 125lbs. this morning, but that's really nothing. So, hopefully that means I will be less than 125lbs. tomorrow! Especially since I didn't have any dinner :)

Love you, Skinnies!

~Sottile