I Hate Roommates

Just took my evening weight. 126lbs. I'll take it. I would have liked to see 125.5lbs. like I saw this morning, because then I would have been guaranteed a lower weight tomorrow morning, but a cookie occurred.

I didn't eat until 5:45pm this evening. I couldn't stand it anymore. I planned to eat a half a chicken sausage, 70 cals, a half can of corn, 70 cals, salsa, 10 cals, and some jalapeno peppers, 5 cals. I was also going to have half a bottle of Gatorade with it, so another 50 cals. Total: 205 cals. Totally respectable. K was still in her room, so I took the opportunity to make my dinner. I took a sausage out of the package and cut it in half and put it in a bowl, and then got a Zip-Loc bag to put the other sausages in and back in the fridge. Well, K walks in the kitchen right then, peers into the bowl, and looks at me. "Half a sausage? Come on, you can do the whole thing." I felt my face turning red, so I turned and went about putting the sausage into the microwave, and just didn't reply. I heated up the corn after the sausage was done, put the salsa on top, dumped the jalapenos on top, took my Gatorade out the fridge, and still didn't say anything to K. It didn't deserve a comment. How are you supposed to know how much I can and can't eat? What if I wasn't very hungry? (I was, but that's beside the point.) What if I was just trying the sausage to see if I would like it, so I didn't want to heat up the whole thing in case I didn't like it?

What if, oh my goodness, I JUST DIDN'T WANT THE WHOLE THING???

Just because I didn't eat a whole 600 calorie Hot Pockets Pepperoni Calzone for dinner tonight, that is actually two servings but you ate the whole thing anyway, doesn't mean that I should eat more. Maybe if you tried eating less, you would actually lose the weight you are complaining about. No, instead, you go to the gym, do your arm and abs exercises, run six miles on the elliptical, and then come home with a bag of Arby's or chinese take-out.

So anyway, I just didn't say a thing about it. I didn't feel like coming up with a reason as to why I wasn't going to eat the other half of the sausage. K is not my mother, and she doesn't need to be watching my eating habits. It is none of her business. I make my own decisions, and she can eat her calzone and drink her liter of Diet Pepsi a day. I don't tell her she should eat less, so why does she feel like she can tell me to eat more?

So then, she pulls out a package of Toll House cookie dough, and starts to put the cookies on a baking sheet. Crap. I swear, every time she thinks I am not eating enough, she makes cookies or brownies, and just gives one to me. I looked at that package when she bought it, and each cookie is 160 calories! Ahhh! So she makes the cookies, and as she was pulling them out of the oven, one of our friends stopped over and ended up staying and talking for an hour. When she left, I put in a movie, and K sat down in the living room to watch. I thought I was home free; I thought she had forgotten about the cookies. But no, halfway through the movie, as my stomach was starting to growl a little bit, she gets up, and brings back two cookies. Hands one to me, without so much as asking if I want one or not. I take the cookie and bite into it, because at this point, I am just too exhausted to care. It wasn't even good. It was actually bad, to be quite honest. The cookies have this chocolate filling in the middle, which is what makes them so high in calories, and it tasted like bad chocolate pudding inside a mediocre chocolate chip cookie. I was so happy that I wasted 160 calories on a cookie I didn't even remotely enjoy.

I could have ended my day at 604 calories, and probably 125.5lbs., but now I am at 764 calories, and 126lbs. At least I still feel hungry right now.

And tomorrow is my friend E's birthday party. I WILL be strong. I will not ruin my progress for one party. I will be skinny.

Love you, Skinnies!

~Sottile